camp was. how do ii say ? . OH MY GOD. FREAKING HELL.
I HATED THIS CAMP TO THE INNER CORE.
I FEEL LIKE IVE JUST GONE THROUGH HELL.
haa. but thats not enough to let out what ii have now.
ii feel so bloody useless. and to my form teacher. ii hate you MORE.
tipu ajer ade bus. last2 tkde bus. we had to WALK back.
FUCKING HELL TO YOU.
then ii seriously did not enjoy camp. cadets and seniors should know.
ii had a gut feeling. ii really felt something gonna happen.
something really bad. ii follow my intuition. my feelings.
and a bad thing happen. probally the worst thing.
when ii felt your skin. it was cold like anything. like ice.
ii was saying to myself. control. your gonna be okayy.
but ii was wrong. you werent okayy.
you were suffering. all the NCOs did their best.
they did everything they could. but ii froze.
ii seriously didnt know what to do.
ii froze in fear and shock. it was scary beyond belief.
ii couldnt take it anymore. ii was begging for you to wake up.
ii cried out your name so many times. but there was no response.
Liani saw me. she was like come ii bring you inside.
stop crying okayy ? .

ii sat there in the NP room. crying uncontrollably. non-stop.
ii felt so useless. ii couldnt do anything that time. nothing.
all our seniors were like eh asal nii ? . asal ayesha ? .
everyone was in panic and shock. one by one asked me what happen.
but my mouth wouldnt move. my body wouldnt move.
ii couldnt think. seriously. ii froze like that.
ii didnt eat that whole day. ii was so worried about you.
why did this happen to you ? . of all people you ! ? .
ii kept on asking that question to myself. then in the canteen.
with amalia rauda and jia yi. ii started to calm down.
but then when we had to fall in. we passed the NP room.
when ii saw you like that. my heart dropped.
my heart just broke into a million pieces. to see you like that.
the impact on me was so strong.
ii sat at one corner. crying. yes.
that was all ii did. useless right ? .
ii hugged amalia and liani. then nicholas NCC come.
he also tried to calm me down. everyone asked me to smile.
they just wanted to see ME again. Liani was like think positive.
she told me maybe if you were well you would come tomorrow.
she told me that dont think negative. think positive.
when ii did that. ii calmed down. and tried to enjoy myself.

so many questions were running through my head before bed.
then with exhausion ii fell asleep. the next day ii felt better.
ii was still thinking that you would come have fun with us.
but when it was sing-along time. ii knew you werent coming.
then we had debrief. Liani was saying so many negative things.
ii was already like that. Liani was saying negative.
our squadmates were fighting. ariff was just being a st0pid arse.
then Liani asked if ii was alright. Fatin was like ayesha.
ii know why. then ii went to the toilet. ii cried my heart out.
ii had a feeling. a strong one. that what you had was serious.
ii knew that you were still not okayy.
ii dont know why ii have these feelings that are always right.

when you called me. ii was relieved to hear your voice.
ii was already crying for joy that time.
but when you told me what happened. joy turned to sadness.
tears flowed like never before. ii never felt this feeling before.
this is a first time feeling. ii dont know it. ii dont want it.
dont say its your fault. ITS NOT.
stop thinking. ii told you so many times.
ii dont know what to do if you were to leave.
ii dont want that to happen. so i'll stop being weak.
i'll try to stop crying. i'll stop. but do you know ? .
Fateen Jannah Amalia all were worried as hell for you besides me.

this is probally the longest post by far.
ive been vomitting and refusing to eat today.
im having a high fever right now. so i'll stop. ii feel like fainting.
oh gosh my eyes are so swollen and red.
ii cant breathe and my vision is blurr.
ii am now physically and mentally weak.
but most of all. ii am emotionally dead.
I MISS YOU TERRIBLY. I MISS YOUR CHEERFULLNESS.
I MISS YOUR SMILE AND LAUGHTER.
Rocker Out.

AYESHA Y

I dont entertain no-lifes
read, tag, be nice.
or Leave

honeylovers since 03.02.2009
No-life clan? Click.

Im Ayesha and i keep pepper spray in my back pocket *smirk*

Im nice & fun, but test me & see how long the nice-ness last

I have awesome BFFs; GILERRS!

My J-friends call me Aya-chan & did i mention? Im a japanese-obsessed-girl :D

Obsession for turtles, a passion for writing & a love for ALL acessories! Wanna be friends? Gladly (:

And ILY 亀梨和也 !
KAT-TUN daisuki!
BIGBANG saranghae!

Its me
[♥]LIVEJOURNAL[♥]

Pictures anyone?
[♥]MULTIPLY[♥]

• Must Haves
♥ A ________
♥ KAT-TUN album(s)
♥ Pass O Levels!
♥ Graduate with ALL of 4EC
♥ Singapore Poly!
♥ Go to Japan
♥ Meet KAME
♥ To be a successful AUTHOR

Bloody Monday DVD
Absolute Boyfriend DVD
KAT-TUN'S latest album
go to JE concerts!
Kame's Rayben's degreeless specs
brown contacts
Hiragana/Katakana/Kanji
Work in CM production
Twilight/New Moon/Eclispe/Breaking Dawn

♥ 18 February
KAME/TURTLE STUFF!
accessories accessories! :D
Japanese stuff ^.^v
BIG Turtle or Teddy
Green/Red converse shoes
A memorable birthday ^^

1406 FIREWORKS!
1506 SITIEEE BDAY
1606 SILAAAAAS BDAY
1706 Sitieee's Bday dinner
1906 STUUDY!
2506 NAMMIE BDAY
2506 IFAAAH BDAY
2706 JASMINE'S 20TH BDAY!

FRIENDSTER

GILERRS <33

PRINCESS D, FASHA, KHUZA, SYAZA

Sugars <3

FEE, IQAAA!, IRNA, MARYJANE, MURNIE, ELAHH, NAMMIE, NATT, NICOLE, SITIEEEEEE!

The Classes ((:

[1EA] AZURA, [1EA] NPCC ARIFF, [1EA] DHARSH, [1EA] SHAMEERAH, [1EA] VIVIAN, [2EB] SHEADA, [3EC] SHASHA, [4EC] ELVI, [4EC] MARIYA, [4EC] NURUL, [4EC] WEI SONG

Humans (:

AISHAH, AISYAHLALA, AZRUL, MEEZA, LI PING, SHIKIN, SHINGRONG, SYAKIRAH, TEERA, ZEEKRUL ZULAIHA,

x x x x

CORRINE MAY