another week of hell.
ii dontt know how much more ii can take this.
everyy week seems worse.
its too much. plus im Miss Negativity.
oh joy doesnt that make me feel better?
still havingg problems with abangg.
we neverr did agrue or fightt.
but now.. it seems like every week we do that.
really larhs it hurts like hell.
usually i'll go to youu if ii have problems.
without even havingg second thoughts.
but now.. sometimes.. well ii dontt know.
im gladd youre trying to maintain yourr 'addiction'.
thats a good thingg. keep going (:

but these days. ii dontt feel myself.
like all the joy in my life has been sucked out of me.
like theres no point of living.
ii really want suicide. seems nice to end it all..
ii mean. who cares if im not around.
andd oh. youu can do whateverr the hell youu wantt.
when im dead too. isnt that fun for you?
ii wontt be in yourr wayy nagging at youu to stopp.
prayy ii die faster everyone.
i'll die for the sake of me not seeing you suffer anymore.
does that make sense? ii dontt thinkk it does.
ii try to thinkk of sec1 dayys. primary 6..
all those cherished memories.. but..
it justt make me cryy harderr.
june holidays.. theyy were mostly nice.
cause we sms-ed alot. jokedd. all for fun andd laughterr.
you'd stopp me thinking negative.
you neverr once flared up.
i'd stop you thinking negative.
ii too didntt flare up. we'd give each other courage.
usingg each other as examples.
thenn change the topics. sms all nightt.
whenever ii read them. ii justt start cryingg.
cause those sms-es show the caring and sweet side of you.
theyy show who you once were..

thenn come July. *poof*. like that. youre gone.
you'd thinkk negative. i'd thinkk negative.
tryingg to help each other. but we flare up in the endd.
we'd get into arguements everr so often.
then we'd resort to different things to release stress.
ive been havingg really bad dreams these days.
Nammy youu know what its about. same goes for Nabilah.
im really scared. cause ive been having the same dream.
almost everyy nightt. andd ii wake up on.
on the veryy same time, everyytime.
it scares me like hell. it really does.
im scared that it comes true. that you'll do it.
andd this affects me everyywhere.
School. at home. Npcc.
even now Npcc cantt take my mind off negativity.
ive been crying alot for absoulutely nothingg.
i'll justt thinkk about things. then i'll cry.
andd ii wontt notice it till afterr few minutes laterr.
sometimes ii wish ii could go up to youu.
andd tell youu 'Daniel. ii wantt my abang backk'.

everyytime ii hear different songs in my playlist.
Innocence. My Only. Itsumo Issho. Alones.
Im With You. When Im Gone. Seven Years. Junrenka.
andd anything from Silverstein. Secondhand serenade.
Chris Daughtry. The Used. i'll start the negativity.
i'll feel soo goddamnned depressed.
andd thenn ii thinkk. life's no longer meaningful.
andd i'll be 'whats the point of determination?'
whats the point living a life full of misery?
whats the point of justt WISHING for something.
whats the point of hope? dreams dont come true.
soo whyy botherr hope? dream? useless feelings.
actions speakk louderr than words.
i'll thinkk. whyy do ii care soo much?
whyy do ii nagg about whatt YOU do?
whats the thanks ii get? would you even listen?
do you even care?. thenn ii thinkk again.
oh yes. ii do these things cause of 2 reasons.
cause youre My Abang andd ii care dearly.
Nabilah told me somethingg.
she gave me hope. she knows what im going through.
she gets my feeling. Nammy's givingg me courage.
Nicole also. shes telling me to help youu.
three of them are asking me to be strong.
its REALLY hard. but i'll try my best.
wow. thatt line.. you'd always sayy that to me..

i'll neverr give up hope on youu.
ii know your true characterr. youre different from this.
youre better thann this.
theres still a chance that you'll realise it soon.
I. WONT. EVER. GIVE UP.

MISS ABANG MANY2. LOVE TWIN MUCHIE2.

LOVE, AYESHA :(((

Labels: NEGATIVITY

I dont entertain no-lifes
read, tag, be nice.
or Leave

honeylovers since 03.02.2009
No-life clan? Click.

Im Ayesha and i keep pepper spray in my back pocket *smirk*

Im nice & fun, but test me & see how long the nice-ness last

I have awesome BFFs; GILERRS!

My J-friends call me Aya-chan & did i mention? Im a japanese-obsessed-girl :D

Obsession for turtles, a passion for writing & a love for ALL acessories! Wanna be friends? Gladly (:

And ILY 亀梨和也 !
KAT-TUN daisuki!
BIGBANG saranghae!

Its me
[♥]LIVEJOURNAL[♥]

Pictures anyone?
[♥]MULTIPLY[♥]

• Must Haves
♥ A ________
♥ KAT-TUN album(s)
♥ Pass O Levels!
♥ Graduate with ALL of 4EC
♥ Singapore Poly!
♥ Go to Japan
♥ Meet KAME
♥ To be a successful AUTHOR

Bloody Monday DVD
Absolute Boyfriend DVD
KAT-TUN'S latest album
go to JE concerts!
Kame's Rayben's degreeless specs
brown contacts
Hiragana/Katakana/Kanji
Work in CM production
Twilight/New Moon/Eclispe/Breaking Dawn

♥ 18 February
KAME/TURTLE STUFF!
accessories accessories! :D
Japanese stuff ^.^v
BIG Turtle or Teddy
Green/Red converse shoes
A memorable birthday ^^

1406 FIREWORKS!
1506 SITIEEE BDAY
1606 SILAAAAAS BDAY
1706 Sitieee's Bday dinner
1906 STUUDY!
2506 NAMMIE BDAY
2506 IFAAAH BDAY
2706 JASMINE'S 20TH BDAY!

FRIENDSTER

GILERRS <33

PRINCESS D, FASHA, KHUZA, SYAZA

Sugars <3

FEE, IQAAA!, IRNA, MARYJANE, MURNIE, ELAHH, NAMMIE, NATT, NICOLE, SITIEEEEEE!

The Classes ((:

[1EA] AZURA, [1EA] NPCC ARIFF, [1EA] DHARSH, [1EA] SHAMEERAH, [1EA] VIVIAN, [2EB] SHEADA, [3EC] SHASHA, [4EC] ELVI, [4EC] MARIYA, [4EC] NURUL, [4EC] WEI SONG

Humans (:

AISHAH, AISYAHLALA, AZRUL, MEEZA, LI PING, SHIKIN, SHINGRONG, SYAKIRAH, TEERA, ZEEKRUL ZULAIHA,

x x x x

CORRINE MAY