hello hello. another crappy dayy.
life's getting worse by the second. seriously.
mum's just making it worse, as usual.
ii barely look and talk to her. ii only sayy.
'yes, no, ii dontt know, maybe, later'. thats about it.
ii wontt be seen anywhere in the house except.
my room. i'll sit there all dayy and start to read.
i'll only go out when ii need to go toilet or solat.
the more ii read freedom writers. the more ii feel so sad.
but at the same time. im relieved. cause well..
ii felt that ii wasnt the only one going through life like this.
andd ii hear March On by Good Charlotte. the lines:
'dont cry. open up your eyes and know there's someone else out there that feels the same'.
now ii know whatt those lines mean.
there was this one entry in the book.
its justt like whatt im going through now. excatly the same.
im amazed and relieved. that miles awayy in another country.
theres people out there going through the things im going through.
im not alone. thats what ii tell myself.

ii feel.. im losing my family.. its really sad.
everydayy afterr school. ii dread to go back home.
im sad to sayy ii HATE to go back home.
ii have only one home in my heart now.
its school. thats a place ii call home now.
home is supposed to be a place of love, care and understanding.
ii dontt find those things where im sitting now.
but ii find that in school. and only in school.
im losing my family. im fact TWO to be exact.
NPCC. theres not much fun anymore. cause..
theres justt less in it..
so now the only family ii have are my Friends, Abang and Twin.
ii cantt bare to lose them too. theyre the only people ii have left.
if ii lose them. i'll never be the same..

im staring to write like the freedom writers.
you could call me 'an unofficial freedom writer'.
yeah. that sounds better. if feels really nice too.
ii learn that keeping everything inside. sucks.
so i'll write and write and write.
after ii finish this story, its time to write mine.
if the stories ii write does get published one day (god willingly).
ii hope people will see my life through MY eyes.
to know what ive been through. how hard it is..
then maybe. justt maybe. people will stop giving me crap.
sometimes. ii want to tell Abang andd Twin.
about my problems. aboutt whatts goingg on.
but ii think backk. ii realise that theyy have their struggles too.
soo ii dontt disturb them.. i'll only tell them.
whenn the feelings get too unbearable..
ii feel like the people in Freedom Writers too.
the depression, sadness, no will to live.
ii mean, sad to sayy. ii thinkk my mum's given up on me.
a lost cause. yeah. she even told me.
that its a confirm that i'll fail my geography.
well mum ii have one thing to sayy.
Fuckin' eat your words mum! ii fucking passed geography.
ii got one of the top even.
whenn ii got home. she asked me if ii had any results.
ii said geography. she said 'you failed right?'
ii felt like saying 'Fuckin' hell ii passed! no thanks to YOU!'
but ii said 'passed. one of the top even'. she said nothing.
she cantt even have the fucking guts to look or talk to me.
instead she asks my blood brother to ask me things.
fuck that! hate me justt sayy so! no guts justt sayy so!

hell ii really HATE life now. its unbearable.
but i'll live. justt awhile more.
ii wont do stupid things either cause.
ii dontt wanna hurt the people that care about me.
cause i'll justt be adding up to their problems too.
ii wontt run awayy from my problems either.
i'll face them head on justt like a Freedom Writer!
andd with the help of friends, i'll make it through life.
ii told someone this before.
'it justt takes one person to believe that you can do it'.
i'll tell myself that too. Abang told me to relax.
he said that he too realised whenn he relaxed a little.
life got easier for him. soo i'll try.
andd i'll do it with a smile (:

LIVING LIFE LIKE A FREEDOM WRITER.

LOVE, AYESHA :)

the unofficial freedom writer

Labels: im not alone anymore

I dont entertain no-lifes
read, tag, be nice.
or Leave

honeylovers since 03.02.2009
No-life clan? Click.

Im Ayesha and i keep pepper spray in my back pocket *smirk*

Im nice & fun, but test me & see how long the nice-ness last

I have awesome BFFs; GILERRS!

My J-friends call me Aya-chan & did i mention? Im a japanese-obsessed-girl :D

Obsession for turtles, a passion for writing & a love for ALL acessories! Wanna be friends? Gladly (:

And ILY 亀梨和也 !
KAT-TUN daisuki!
BIGBANG saranghae!

Its me
[♥]LIVEJOURNAL[♥]

Pictures anyone?
[♥]MULTIPLY[♥]

• Must Haves
♥ A ________
♥ KAT-TUN album(s)
♥ Pass O Levels!
♥ Graduate with ALL of 4EC
♥ Singapore Poly!
♥ Go to Japan
♥ Meet KAME
♥ To be a successful AUTHOR

Bloody Monday DVD
Absolute Boyfriend DVD
KAT-TUN'S latest album
go to JE concerts!
Kame's Rayben's degreeless specs
brown contacts
Hiragana/Katakana/Kanji
Work in CM production
Twilight/New Moon/Eclispe/Breaking Dawn

♥ 18 February
KAME/TURTLE STUFF!
accessories accessories! :D
Japanese stuff ^.^v
BIG Turtle or Teddy
Green/Red converse shoes
A memorable birthday ^^

1406 FIREWORKS!
1506 SITIEEE BDAY
1606 SILAAAAAS BDAY
1706 Sitieee's Bday dinner
1906 STUUDY!
2506 NAMMIE BDAY
2506 IFAAAH BDAY
2706 JASMINE'S 20TH BDAY!

FRIENDSTER

GILERRS <33

PRINCESS D, FASHA, KHUZA, SYAZA

Sugars <3

FEE, IQAAA!, IRNA, MARYJANE, MURNIE, ELAHH, NAMMIE, NATT, NICOLE, SITIEEEEEE!

The Classes ((:

[1EA] AZURA, [1EA] NPCC ARIFF, [1EA] DHARSH, [1EA] SHAMEERAH, [1EA] VIVIAN, [2EB] SHEADA, [3EC] SHASHA, [4EC] ELVI, [4EC] MARIYA, [4EC] NURUL, [4EC] WEI SONG

Humans (:

AISHAH, AISYAHLALA, AZRUL, MEEZA, LI PING, SHIKIN, SHINGRONG, SYAKIRAH, TEERA, ZEEKRUL ZULAIHA,

x x x x

CORRINE MAY